the dock

the dock swayed beneth my feet
glanced below and smiled
never to return

darkness reigns and i have wept
for you to understand
it all fell down around me,
it all has come apart.
these veins run deep within
and here i stand, battered
bruised
              bruised
             kneeling
            beaten down
           torn asunder
         catestrophic loss
          unable to go on
               alone
          breathless pain
        pierced and bleeding
         illfed and unwell
             tear
the hint of your name brings tears
forgotten
standing without you gives me chills
left
a lump in my heart is what i know
unneeded
suffering without understanding
how could i let myself need you so much
why are you so important
why cant i give up
am i living hell
so that i can repair
or being self mutilated
i am cast away
i'm discarded
carrion
driven by impulse
lacking my light in the storm
backtracking
flooded
winded
beaten
dead
how much suffering will suffice
how much pain are you worth
well let me ask myself
how long did i plan for my love to last
why cant i just stay down
why cant i stop this rain
why cant i stop this wind
"there a storm a comin" the old man said with a smile
and he pointed that bony finger upward and then leveled it at me
the light caught his eye and i knew there was no avoiding that curse
i wouldn't be forgiven i couldn't be so lucky
it would swell upon me like a great ocean upon my chest
i would heave and pant as it stomped upon me, face up on the sand
and it would smother me with every wave
a great wall would beat down on me
and death was not my friend
i am destined to feel
dormant

and He would shake his head and deliver
another punch and a kick
a lesson i just can't grasp
a feeling i just cant aquire
you'll know when your dead because you just wont care
and bloodied, drenched, and sobbing, i rose again
so that the wave could blast at me and i fell back
and dragged toward the sea in the black moonlight
fingers gashed raw against the rocky outcrops
not so peaceful today, is it
it turns evil at night, and its only just begun
no one is able to help; how ironic it all seems
that there is NO ONE at all who can help me from feeling this way
even She probably couldn't stop this train, im already off the tracks
and ive got quite a load behind me, no
im in it for the long haul.....